Letter to Family and Friends

We sent this letter to our families and close friends to let them know of our intentions and to join with us in beginning to pray and plan for the future.

Hello there!

You are receiving this letter because you are extremely important to Matt, Ellie, Liam and myself and we want to share with you something that has been on our hearts for a while. You have probably heard Matt and I talk of adoption, and we are really feeling led to start taking steps on this journey.  We have always talked as though there are members of our family not living in our home, we just do not know who they are yet. But the picture is becoming a little clearer. So before we get too far, we wanted you to know that we consider you an essential part of this process too, and welcome your questions and concerns. Despite these, we hope that you can share in our excitement in this time of ‘expecting’ just like with Elyana and Liam.  

To start, we want to share a little about our motivations, expectations, and plans for adoption, understanding that we are open to them changing as we go forward.
Motivating Factors:

Mission Trips: I (Courtney) am thankful to my parents and other supporters for the many opportunities to go on mission trips and see the needs of children, here in the U.S and abroad, which I guess is where I first probably felt the call to do something to help.  

Trying to follow God: As Matt and I were dating, we talked of wanting our marriage to be a vessel to serve others. We consider God’s Word foundational to our marriage and as we read "True religion is this; to care for the orphan and widow in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27), we felt like this was a directive we should and could follow in some way. After having our own children and engaging in life with many families who have adopted, we felt more and more like our call is to care for orphans in our home, through the process of adoption. God has also challenged us to purposely take steps of faith and transform our lives to look different because of the hope and trust that we have in Jesus Christ as Lord. We see adoption as an urgent need socially, for the greater good of society, and personally for each child because God sees them and knows their heartache. Adoption is also a visible way we can all remember our own adoption into God's family. (Romans 11:11-36).  

Expectations (We acknowledge that there are a lot of things to consider when choosing to adopt. Here are some of the questions we have already begun praying about and discussing.)

      Won't Ellie and Liam feel like we are taking time and attention from them?

The basic truth is that none of us got to choose our siblings, or how many we wanted.  We hope to teach our children that we should all be grateful for whatever family we are given and that it is God who sets us in families (Psalm 68:6).  We will make extra efforts to help each child feel appreciated and loved for their uniqueness.  We are committed to increasing their sense of belonging as much as possible, assuring each is connected equally as our child: "For God does not show favoritism" (Romans 2:11). 

      Won’t it cost a lot of money and take a long time?

After some basic research, we are leaning towards public adoption agencies for a foster care adoption - adopting children who are currently in the foster care system. According to multiple websites (it's on the Internet, it's gotta be true), these adoptions can be virtually free and take as little as three months. Even most of the application fees and legal fees are reimbursed in tax credits.  So while there may be significant up front costs, the total cost will be relatively low.  Our church also has an adoption fund that offers grants for adoptions. Even though I said these types of adoptions can be very quick, they also have the highest probability of problems - custody, birth parents, behavioral issues, etc. So we covet prayers for this aspect already.  

      What about the children's birth parents?

We are not pursuing adoption for the purpose of making our family something for our own good, but rather to "offer our bodies as living sacrifices" for whatever work God has us to do. So we are prepared for the fact that the children we are looking to adopt have birth parents who may or may not still be a part of the children's lives. If we are able to minister to parents as well as children, we will welcome this, even if it is difficult for us - like visiting them, writing them, even helping to reunite them some day. We will be thankful to God for the chance to love children and parents for whatever period of time we are given them (including Ellie and Liam). 

Should we be open to adoption of children of a different race, won't they get made fun of, feel excluded, etc.?

Here in the US, more children in the foster care system are African American than any other race. Selfishly, if we had our way, we would probably choose children who look just like us, act just like us, love the same things we love, etc. but this is pretty unrealistic, right? God has been revealing to us that the Gospel is a message of unity under Christ’s rule- every nation, tribe, and tongue together, and our family could be a great symbol of what's to come. A multi-racial family may even be a great way to start conversations with people and share the Gospel. We would welcome the chance to learn about and celebrate a different race, their traditions, etc. 

Plans:

Homeschooling: We are planning to home school our children mainly because of how we have seen it strengthen family relationships and values, open up cool learning and travel opportunities, and would be an easier environment to welcome a new family member into. This will also give us more time to develop relationships with all of our children. 

Adoptiong Older Children: We are planning to adopt older sibling children (technically classified as age 2 and up).  Matt and I have been enjoying each stage of Ellie and Liam’s lives better than the last, and would be happy to leave infancy behind us. We would like for those who aren't able to have their own children to be able to adopt infants. Older children are generally not adopted as quickly, especially if they have siblings they do not want to be separated from and we want them to be able to stay together. If we had our way, we would adopt a girl Ellie’s age and a boy Liam’s age, so that each pair can experience life stages with one another. 

      There seems to be no better way in life than raising children to live out the following verse: "He must become greater, I must become less" (I John 13:30), because children require so much time, attention, and selfless love. We have been learning more and more in parenthood that we cannot just pray for something (like more patience), or even gain it through practice to the point where we do not need God - He won't let that happen.  So while having more children will certainly bring more trials it also will bring us closer to God. We may be called to make little sacrifices (like trading in our awesome Rav4 for a basic minivan), or big ones (like buying a home), but like King David said, "I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing" (2 Sam. 24:24).
      Even the initial research and discussion of this journey has produced in us an increased attitude of thankfulness for our own children and our families. So thank you again for being the kind of family that we are excited to bring more children into. Know that we love you and appreciate your opinions as we strive to follow God in ‘defending the weak and fatherless; uphold(ing) the cause of the poor and the oppressed’ Psalm 82:3.
Love,
Matt, Courtney, Elyana, Liam, and....