The Start of a New School Year

Hi friends and family,

For those who didn't know, I am continuing to fast and pray on Thursdays, specifically focused on the fostering/adopting process- something I started even before we were licensed to help remember God's work in the process in addition to all of the paperwork, and now the everyday parenting. It is a practice that has absolutely helped me remember our calling, increased my love, patience (noise tolerance :), and helped me to become aware of more people and problems in the world than I would have otherwise encountered in everyday life. So I invite you to pray along with me on Thursdays and send me anything I should read, pray about, or consider regarding fostering or adopting that I will make time for on Thursdays.

Today, God brought to mind (probably also because of back to school photos on Facebook) that I hadn't sent any pictures to you all in a while. It was very awkward at first, trying to take pictures of the kid's backs, or crop Josh and D out of photos and then felt bad when they wanted to see the photos, etc. I enjoy sharing what's going on in our lives and our kid's lives, so the rules about not posting kid's pics on social media were hard for me. If you received random photos texted from me, that's why :) It will be a great joy for me to finally post pictures of all of my children on social media- more symbolically than anything. In addition to some summer activities, you will also see pictures of Josh and D's siblings at recent visits- please continue to pray for them as part of our extended family too! I'm praying that wherever these siblings end up, that I will be able to communicate well with their parents- even if it is FaceTime, Facebook, etc. because meeting up with them has been difficult this summer. 

Lastly, please pray for the start to our school year. Like everyone else, we will have new routines- especially difficult for us is figuring out how to get Josh to and from school with the right amount of sacrifice from the other kids, getting Josh to do homework in the evening when the other kids do not have any. I also need to add a little bit more work in for Annie this year, and start pre-school work with D (Ellie has asked to be his teacher :) but I want to make time to work with him also. I'm praying that he will also be able to play while I work with the others without me worrying that he is downstairs painting the treadmill (that happened), or running out the front door (hasn't happened in a while...). 

I'm taking time to thank God for you today too, especially those that have met up with us for some fun this summer- the presence of others is the biggest encouragement to us!

With gratitude,

Courtney and family

Signing the official intent to adopt

I continually forget when we signed this, and as it is a pretty big step towards adoption, I hunted down my Facebook post and should now have another form of record-keeping!

We signed this form yesterday 🙃Still many months to go and a lot more hoops to jump through, but it was a big, surreal step!

One Busy Week

Hi friends and family,

Here are a few updates from this past (busy) week:

1- No news on D- still waiting to hear back from the state about officially being approved. 

     Prayer Request- We think he either has a really active imagination, is still really confused, seeking attention, not sure....but one thing to pray for for him is that we don't know how to respond when many many times a day he makes statements that are very obviously not true (My grandma got me this outfit (when he was with me the day before buying it), or "My had pizza for lunch too" (when Josh got back rom a pizza party with his sisters)....Some of these obviously are more harmless than others, and we want to stress how important honesty is, but also want to be sympathetic if he is just not remembering something or is trying to continue to make sense of her life.

2-Joshua: 

Court: Last Thursday, we arrived to court ready to start going through the list of "best interest witnesses" (of which, I was supposed to go second), and after the foster worker's first 10 minutes, Josh's mom's attorney asked for a recess, during which she told the judge that his mom was ready to sign away her rights. This was a pretty big change of heart from her last court appearances where she was pretty angry and dug her heels in, and it meant that this trial day and any future trial dates do not have to take place. She and I had multiple positive interactions, during which I assured her that if Josh were to stay with us, she would continue to be spoken of, prayed for, loved for giving him life, and that if she is a healthy person to be around, we are open to as much interaction as we feel is beneficial. We hugged a couple of times and I thanked her for making this hard decision so her kids could have some stability and hopefully she can also have a fresh start. 

Telling Joshua: We waited until our Japanese exchange student left for home Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon talked with our 3 biological children about what happened at court (Judge and mom mutually decided that it would be best for Josh and his sisters not to go back home and live with her). We asked if they would like for us to sign the intent to adopt Joshua too, now that we had the option. They were all very excited and said yes. We then had the same talk with Josh. He gave a thumbs down when we asked how he felt about not being able to live with his mom again, then when we asked if he wanted us to sign the intent to adopt him, he gave a big smile, thumbs up, and hugged us. Then he ran upstairs and cried, "I want my mom" for about 3 minutes.  We told him that it's ok to feel sad about losing that chance to return to his mom, and happy to stay with us at the same time, and that he could say or ask anything he wanted. 

Good-bye visit: Tuesday, Josh and his sisters met with his mom at a park to say good-bye at least until their adoptions are finalized. His mom invited many relatives, and I was told that he and his sisters were very distraught saying good-bye to all of them as the adults were so upset. 

School: After going through almost the entire admissions process for K12 online school so Joshua could be home with the rest of the kids, we just found out today that he is not eligible- DHS said the child had to be over 16 or have some specific needs to do on-line schooling. I am pretty disappointed, but know he will still have a good year.

Next Steps: Next Wednesday I am taking Josh to a pool party with his sisters at their CASA's house (Court Appointed Special Advocate). She has worked with all of the children for 4 years, and is seriously considering adopting Josh's sisters. She thinks it would be best not to move Josh, but we'll talk more in person next week. I know either way, we would have a great relationship going forward. The following day is Josh's youngest sisters official adoption day, and I asked Josh if he would like to go, see what it's like and support his sister (plus, I'm curious). He said it would be weird, but still praying about whether or not to take him. 

Prayer for Josh: 

- Continuing to deal with the loss of returning home to his mom. 

- Potential adoptive families for his sisters 

- Wisdom for whether it would be best for Josh to stay with us or go with his sisters if it's an option from their future adoptive home.

- Not feeling left out, starting out another school year at school versus being at home with us.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support, I see every time I write these updates, how much has really been happening, despite most days just feeling like "normal" life :)

Courtney (and family)

Summer Days

Hi Family and Friends,

This time last week, Matt and I were with our high school youth group in Nashville, TN. While it was the most challenging trip I have taken as a leader, I was still so thankful for the opportunity to grow myself, grow closer to the students, and seeing their need for Jesus like never before assured me of why Matt and I continue volunteering. I was also thankful for the many people I knew were taking great care of our children and dog to make it possible for us to continue in youth ministry :)

The week before, I didn't send out an update specifically because I was so frustrated that Josh had been denied the clearance to go to Ohio with my parents and the older kids. Even though I figured the families that had agreed to watch D would open their hearts and homes even more to Josh, I was sad for Josh that his mom had this degree of control of him, but was still not showing up for any visits, sad that he did not get to feel like one of the big kids and spend time with my family, and had to make a lot of last-minute adjustments to switch his belongings and schedule. So please continue to pray for Josh's mom and that I would not lose hope and love for her as a person, even as I prepare for my testimony at the new termination trial in 2 weeks- August 3rd. It seems daunting to look at his mom and firmly but lovingly say I think Josh deserves a family that is willing to show up and commit to taking care of him, and she hasn't done that over the last 4 years. I have also been experiencing new frustrations related to Josh's care that I am trying to understand and maybe help others avoid the same things or work to change some: like I posted on FB that it was very difficult to find a place to safely dispose of his extra medications (which many foster children are on and are regularly abused)- I had to walk into a very ominous box in the Sherriff's office, which I probably wouldn't do if I had any fears of police hanging over my head. Second, I have spent about 8 hours in the last 2 months completing phone assessments and in-person assessments for both of the boys, some of which I had to find child care for, only to receive one really far-fetched diagnosis for D, and to be turned away from Community Mental Health, saying Josh was not impaired enough to receive counseling services. So please pray for me to know when or not to continue pursuing counseling for him and being willing to go through the process all over again at a new place and not have the bad attitude that has stayed with me all day today because of that final early-morning appointment. 

On D's end, we are just still waiting to hear back from the Michigan Children's Institute in Lansing. If they agree with the recommendation of our adoption agency and grant us custody, we have to wait 8 weeks for family to appeal, then we can schedule an official date with the judge to finalize his adoption. Our adoption worker talked with D's grandma at the last court hearing that I could not attend because of being in Nashville, and she was very happy that all of the kids had good placements and seemed like she would not contest, as she had seemed ready to do. 

Thank you for your prayers and support- we feel it!

Courtney (and family)

Lots of missed visits and writing a book :)

This was the second week in a row that we have picked up J from school early, driven down to Saginaw, only to get a text that his mom had called or texted saying she wouldn't be back at home in time for the visit, despite confirming earlier in the day. This was also the second time in a row (and ever) that he cried when it didn't happen. On many other cancellation occasions, he just looked stone-faced and jumped into playing something else. I am conscious of what I say in the moment, only giving details that I am sure of, trying to be positive, yet also not excuse his mother's lack of consideration for him and his sisters.

The more I think about having these boys in our lives for a longer time frame, the more I want to have good answers for them about how they came to be part of our family, how we see them, and most importantly how God sees them. So I want to try and write a children's book (since I want to explain it to our won children at first) from the ideas and beliefs that God has brought to mind, directly from his Word, and our experiences. I'm hoping to use these Thursday afternoons to also start organizing that. If this book turns out, it will truly be God's will because I am not a skilled writer, and I even have a hard time putting ideas into words. But I feel like it is a worthy and helpful pursuit- we'll see what happens!

Here, There, and Everywhere

It's has been over two weeks now since our family has officially had five children, but there have been very few days that all 7 of us have been together. I was very thankful for my parents for keeping Ellie, Liam, and Annie for the first week with D- to just figure out school drop-offs and pick-ups, go to court, fill out paperwork, have visits from 3 different case workers, etc. Ellie is still on a 10-day adventure with them down south, and I know being spoiled and filled with memories :) There have been a couple of times in the last couple of weeks that my noise limit was being stretched, and I'm still trying to find the balance of supporting the Ninja Warrior training (indoors) and enjoyment of music, with my sanity. We are still thinking and planning for how to get all 7 of us around our kitchen table if J stays with us longer.

Speaking of J, he has had 2 weeks in a row now of good visits with his mom and sisters, the aids at the visits say that her home is clean, she has lots of furnishings for them and had good food this last time. I haven't asked recently what the status is on the new petition to terminate rights, but it is sad to think of them all being separated when things are going well, and frustrating that these cycles have gone on for 4 years.

D seems very comfortable and mostly loves his new siblings :) He is still very quick to get angry, especially when someone else opens the door instead of him. He is getting into a routine but still needs to practice doing things for himself like dressing and cleaning up. The biggest challenge is his slow response time/refusal to comply with requests, which I know we went through with other kids, but the others seemed to be motivated thinking that they would be left behind or watching examples of the older ones, and D is just happy wandering away/being left on his own, and asking any other human he sees for what he wants, so we need to keep looking for motivators and being diligent at keeping track of him when we're out.

Prayer Requests:
- That D's quick temper doesn't rub off on us but that our patience and grace would rub off on him!
- For J's emotions- having good visits with his mom and sisters, while there is still uncertainty about his goal, wisdom for us in what to say/when about D's adoption to be sensitive to J.
- More kids= more noise and opportunities for arguments- prayer for us parents to be calm, loving, and help them solve the problem/work through the situation in a positive way.
- Patience as we wait for the next step of getting "pre-adoptive" status for D.
- Praise- having a high schooler help the kids with their toy/clutter cleanup in the basement was a great success the first week- I didn't get frustrated, had some quiet time upstairs to work, the kids did the work
- Praise- for the many friends that gave us a bed, pillow, meals/gift cards, cookies, babysitting, etc. Our whole family feels like we are not doing this work alone, and have even more opportunities to see God at work and give Him thanks and praise because of all of you!

Court is frustrating

You know when people invent new products, they usually say how they were doing something and thought, "there has to be a better way..." I think this every half hour at court- many cases are assigned for either 8:30am, or 1:30pm. So the courtroom is usually full of people, the judge comes out around 9:30, starts with one case, then moves on to the next and so on. So we end up hearing a lot of things going on with other people, having to wait for long periods of time, and everyone asking the same questions/making the same statements as three minutes before, or three months before. In general I try not to complain about something unless I have a solution, or really know enough on all sides to feel invested, but I mostly see a waste of the agency worker's time, and people who have to take off of work and such to be at the court house for 4 hours or more. On the one hand, I want to learn more, on the other hand, I'm just hoping we will not have to deal with being in court too many more times :)

Goal Change for J

The day before signing the intent to adopt D, I went to a case review for our now 7-year old foster son, J. His mom was present and we had a nice conversation in the hallway about all of the things that she had at home, ready for him and his sisters (though she probably will not be able to keep them). It was good to see her excitement, but then she had some conversation with a counseling agency, became upset and left the building. Since she was not present to give her side of the case, the judge looked at the agency's statements about missing visits for 9 weeks in a row without reason, and changed J's goal back to adoption. I still maintain that only God knows what the best outcome for these kids is, and trust that He can work in J's mom's life and all of the kid's lives whether they are together or apart. I fluctuate between between frustrated by the length of time his mom has had to make things right to be able to bring them home, and understanding all of the barriers she has to overcome and desiring for her to made whole and the family whole too. Nothing will look any different for now- still having visits scheduled weekly and the agency could extend visits if they are going well, but the agency is also filing another petition for termination of rights since she only started showing an interest in copying 2 weeks before court. Taking one step at a time, trying to empathize with and encourage J along the way.

Signing the Intent

So we officially signed the intent to adopt D yesterday. It was a surreal moment, and Matt and I talked afterwards that we probably should have prayed again before signing, but it also seems dangerous to think too much and let our own worries creep in when for about 10 years we have been praying about adoption, talking about it with many people, learning about it and other's experiences, growing in our ability to love kids that we did not give life to, etc. So the form is off to our agency, and though there will still be many hoops to jump through and about 9 months of paperwork and approval, it was a big step!

The Family Business
(My idea for a book :)
Thanks to the Holy Spirit, many influential people, and the church, Matt and I have been given a big picture of who God is, His heart for the world and the people in it. The goal for our family is for Matt and me to be able to show this picture of God to others- through uniting in marriage,  being able to bear children as a gift of that unity, and now through adoption. The themes of marriage, children, and adoption are woven throughout the bible, and as we live it out, we see the Word is living and active- God is in, before, and behind us in it all. This will be a book to read whenever our family needs a reminder, or we are telling others why or how we were led to this process of adoption. And thank you to all of the artists that will provide beautiful pictures to go along with the stories, all of whom have also been involved in fostering or adopting in some way. Enjoy!

Expecting

We're in that phase similar to pregnancy when it's nearing your due date and you just want to meet your baby, but you also know it's going to be a lot more work once they're on the outside :)

Tuesday, February 13th, D's mom made the intensely difficult decision to surrender her parental rights to D and his three siblings. For any who might wonder, "how could a mom do that?", after seeing J's mom drag out her case for over 4 years, I see how this can be an even more loving act than I could have imagined. In court, a DHS worker said D should be moved over to our home by the end of the week....think when a contractor tells you the job should only take a week :) We have learned that there was a caseworker that left the agency, creating more paper shuffling,  and the entire case is switching over to our private agency to handle their temporary foster placements as well as adoptions. This second piece was actually welcomed news because we were originally told they had to turn down the case on the adoption side because of inadequate staffing, so we would need to practically start over with an adoption profile with a different agency- so thankful for that! I got a call just now as I was typing, and also found out that 2 different cousins of the family down in Texas have called to look into taking all of the siblings. Back to that last post- continually trusting that our desires, a true need, and God's plan will all be made known in time. If there are appropriate family members able to care for these children and keep them together, it would be hard now that I have set my heart on a particular vision for the future, but we would also be thankful for the chance for these children to be together with loving family pursuing them from across the U.S. They have a lot of steps to go through, and the agencies are still planning to move D over to us as soon as possible, but it will be looming in the back of my mind, and a regular prayer request. So with a bed, clothes, car seat, name letter on the wall, etc. in place- we wait expectantly for at least the next step in the process- getting D back under our roof.

Trusting

I almost titled this post "disappointment", but despite the disappointing things this week, our reliance on and trust in God's leading is prevailing. J's birthday was this past week, and we brought his sisters with us to Legoland discovery center, then met up with their former foster family. The kids were all having a wonderful time, we were happy connecting not only with another Christian foster family, but with the family who loved these kids specifically for over 2 years. The next day, however, I got a call from the girl's foster mom, who said J's older sister was emotional and asking about why they gave them up. So while we felt it was beneficial for J to see them, we realize it wasn't our call to let the girls join us for that, and we have been told we're not allowed to see the previous family again. I understand the potential emotional risks, but I'm disappointed for the kid's current emotions, missing these siblings, wondering if they are thought of, etc. I put myself in their situation and even though it may be hard to go back to life without them I would still like to see them! So the trusting part comes in that if we continue to have J with us, and we maintain a relationship with this other foster family, maybe God can still keep us connected.

Second, the day after this party, J's actual birthday, I was trying to make it special for him while also being emotionally and physically dividing my time going to court fr our first foster son, D. The judge ended up moving through 2 of the 3 steps of termination of her parental rights, with the third to happen in just a few weeks. D's mom, sister, and grandma remembered me and were very warm, friendly, and pleading for me to take D back, saying they really didn't like where he was now, and that she would be so happy to know that we could give him a permanent home. I trust since we have only had a handful of interactions that it really must be God softening her heart to us. So her lawyer asked the judge specifically in her plea to have D moved to us and would surrender her rights. So I was expecting again to come home, buy a mattress for his old bed since J is using the other one in the bunk bed now- but the foster worker said her supervisor does not see the need to move him until something is finalized. Again the disappointment gave way to trust as I saw over the rest of the week how busy my schedule would be with family visits for two children, all of our other activities, etc. So maybe God knows that we need to wait to have him back?

Lastly, it has been almost a full month since the judge changed the goal for J to be reunited with his sisters and mom at home, and she has not showed up for any of the parenting time since. I thought surely she would come this week, being 2 days after his birthday. J would say things like, "I get to celebrate with J(mom), I wonder what she got me"....and I would redirect with saying something like, "it'll just be good to spend time together, right?"....and that didn't even happen. I was so heartbroken when I went to pick him up and the visit supervisor said she didn't show again. The trusting in this case comes in, in that the agency will now file again for termination, on grounds of her not showing up for visits or the family therapy sessions. So maybe it is really one step closer to his permanent home- whether with us, or with his sisters somewhere else.

A Big Court Date

Hi friends and family, I just wanted to give an update on J and his family after a court date on Friday. It was strange to have J placed with us, and immediately have a court date to terminate her parental rights (this is the 3rd time though it has been requested by DHS and the agency though) So his goal was adoption and everything seemed to be moving that way because of his mom not meeting certain requirements for the last 4 years. So three more court hearings later, the judge seemed to make a 'final' decision (though there is a review in another 2 months). Trying to make a long story short, Joshua's youngest sister who is 3 years old and has lived in her current foster home since she was 3 days old, was formally removed from her mom's custody and will be adopted by the foster mom (who is a wonderful woman by the way, has fostered 55 children, adopted 2, etc.) 

J and his two sisters were ordered back home with their mom. No one knows what the time frame will be, but we will continue weekly visits with his mom and two sisters, then an additional monthly visit with all 3 of the sisters, then will gradually move to overnight visits and such. I'm sort of hoping he won't have to move before school is finished, so he doesn't have to attend 4 different schools in one school year. There were many mixed emotions in the court room Friday, with J's mom being very upset and emotional about losing her youngest daughter, everyone else being unhappy that after all these years, they will be moving back with a woman they see as inadequate to care for herself, let alone 3 young children...however, thanks to our experiences with Poverty Resolutions in Haiti, we agree with the court's point that poverty cannot be held against a parent. We don't want to get to the point in our country where people have to give up their children because of not having resources  like education, housing, food, etc. despite the reasons why. Thankfully she was able to testify that she has never harmed her children, and though she cannot give them all that our own children have, or that J would have with us, but we're praying that he will have has a safe environment to grow up in, and what he needs to grow into a wonderful man who loves God and loves others. Tonight I read/recapped the story of Daniel to all of the kids and discussed how the faith of a probably 15 year old boy caused so many others to believe in God. So we're trusting and praying that God can impart faith in Him even at such young ages, that his time with the previous foster family and ours were hopefully enough of a foundation of faith to carry him on to the next people God will bring into his life. 

So if you could just be praying for us to help J have a good transition, as we believe D did- encouraging Josh, his mom and his sisters as they get into a new routine and lifestyle, and handle the inevitable cancellations as there have been in the past, trust in God as humans make good and bad decisions that affect others. And speaking of D, many of you knew that he and his siblings were removed again and we were asked if we would take him back. We said yes about a month ago, but then haven't heard anything since (he was taken and placed by another agency, so it's sometimes hard to get information). So we understand that even when parents get second (or third, or seventh) chances, children's lives are affected, but we will continue to do whatever we feel God wants us to do int he situation without judgement. 

Thank you for your continued support of us and especially in the ways you have cared for D and J!

With love,

Courtney