Trusting

I almost titled this post "disappointment", but despite the disappointing things this week, our reliance on and trust in God's leading is prevailing. J's birthday was this past week, and we brought his sisters with us to Legoland discovery center, then met up with their former foster family. The kids were all having a wonderful time, we were happy connecting not only with another Christian foster family, but with the family who loved these kids specifically for over 2 years. The next day, however, I got a call from the girl's foster mom, who said J's older sister was emotional and asking about why they gave them up. So while we felt it was beneficial for J to see them, we realize it wasn't our call to let the girls join us for that, and we have been told we're not allowed to see the previous family again. I understand the potential emotional risks, but I'm disappointed for the kid's current emotions, missing these siblings, wondering if they are thought of, etc. I put myself in their situation and even though it may be hard to go back to life without them I would still like to see them! So the trusting part comes in that if we continue to have J with us, and we maintain a relationship with this other foster family, maybe God can still keep us connected.

Second, the day after this party, J's actual birthday, I was trying to make it special for him while also being emotionally and physically dividing my time going to court fr our first foster son, D. The judge ended up moving through 2 of the 3 steps of termination of her parental rights, with the third to happen in just a few weeks. D's mom, sister, and grandma remembered me and were very warm, friendly, and pleading for me to take D back, saying they really didn't like where he was now, and that she would be so happy to know that we could give him a permanent home. I trust since we have only had a handful of interactions that it really must be God softening her heart to us. So her lawyer asked the judge specifically in her plea to have D moved to us and would surrender her rights. So I was expecting again to come home, buy a mattress for his old bed since J is using the other one in the bunk bed now- but the foster worker said her supervisor does not see the need to move him until something is finalized. Again the disappointment gave way to trust as I saw over the rest of the week how busy my schedule would be with family visits for two children, all of our other activities, etc. So maybe God knows that we need to wait to have him back?

Lastly, it has been almost a full month since the judge changed the goal for J to be reunited with his sisters and mom at home, and she has not showed up for any of the parenting time since. I thought surely she would come this week, being 2 days after his birthday. J would say things like, "I get to celebrate with J(mom), I wonder what she got me"....and I would redirect with saying something like, "it'll just be good to spend time together, right?"....and that didn't even happen. I was so heartbroken when I went to pick him up and the visit supervisor said she didn't show again. The trusting in this case comes in, in that the agency will now file again for termination, on grounds of her not showing up for visits or the family therapy sessions. So maybe it is really one step closer to his permanent home- whether with us, or with his sisters somewhere else.