I had a conversation recently with another family similar to ours in that they also have three children, applied to foster in hopes to adopt. But their application has been stalled for a while and it is discouraging. I know we felt them same, not with becoming license initially, but in not receiving a call for over 6 months. Here are some of the things we felt God lead us to do in the mean time, which I now see have really helped having a child (finally) enter our home.
Read: I have listed a lot of the books earlier on this blog that people recommended to us, that offered all different perspectives and aspects of adoption and fostering. These books prompted a lot of good discussions between Matt and myself, helped us get on the same page about and remember why we were making the decisions that we were, and helped us know what questions to ask.
Attend Events: Any time I saw a foster/adoption class, information meeting, parenting seminar, panel discussion, either Matt or myself tried to attend. Not only because we need the continuing education, but again it helped us be prepared with alternative discipline ideas, behaviors to be ready for, and be open to different kinds of option/fostering.
Practice with other people's children: I thought that any day we could receive a call and have another child in our home, so any time I heard about someone needing help with their child/children, I offered. I thought about how the older two and I could still get school work accomplished, how our schedule would change if we had a child napping, how everyone would help get things ready/clean up after themselves, etc. So it really wasn't a big shock to our family schedule to have another person with us- he is much more active than any of the children I volunteered to watch :) but in general 4 is not a big change from 3, especially when those 3 help as much as they often do.
Start Building a Community: Any time I would hear about another person adopting/fostering, I would ask about their experiences, offer to bring them a meal, have them over for coffee, read their blog or ask to be on their regular communications. Again, getting many different perspectives helped us to be ready for anything and I know we will be even more thankful for these people in the near future!
Fast and Pray: Other than doing necessary paperwork, I found that I was not thinking about the whole process, children, or families at all unless someone asked. So having a weekly time to fast and pray, focus on either some aspect at hand, ask God for wisdom He knows I will need, etc. has been so helpful in really feeling God's presence in the whole process.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Remember
Just like the Israelite people had to constantly be reminded of God's faithfulness, love, and power, despite many miraculous signs and times of deliverance, I am remembering how God has provided for me in the past when I was feeling overwhelmed and I trust He will provide again. He will increase my love and patience even more, He will be my rest, He will help me see His purposes and glory around me.
We picked up D on our way home from the airport, flying in from a 5-day vacation to visit family. So we were all pretty tired, but excited to finally be a fostering family. When our van pulled up to his, D recognized us right away, pointed at me and said, "mama!" He was climbing all over the chairs/table in the restaurant we went to for dinner, but we were too tired to practice our regular discipline. So the next few days we were trying to be consistent, loving, and observant. We see that he loves marshmallows, cantaloupe, but will generally ask for everything anyone is having but only take a bite of it. He loves to run, jump/spin, crash around in the Cozy Coupe, and is really afraid of play-doh! He tried ice-skating with us today and was very much a 2-year old, asking for help one second, them screaming at me the next to 'stop it- I do it!" This would be easier to manage if my other three kids weren't having their own meltdowns because they weren't as good skaters as their friends, hit their elbow in the same place 3 times, wanted space on my lap while resting.... I remember these feelings from when we brought our third daughter home from the hospital. The older two caused a lot of commotion and more work trying to "help"with the baby, but we truly believe that involving them in the newest family member's care has produced closer relationships, rewarded their desires for serving others, and has helped them become genuinely helpful as they got older. So I will keep trying to persevere in love, and remember to see their hearts instead of the present inconvenience, like when I yelled at my oldest today when she kept reaching to pick him up after I had laid him down for a nap. I plan to start one of the habits someone told me about when I was overwhelmed with two kids under 2, and go into their room when they're asleep, looking like angels :) and pray over them, remember how Jesus treated the little children that came to Him despite the many other responsibilities he had. I know it was one of the ways God helped me to see children as He does and I will feel His presence when I remember!
We picked up D on our way home from the airport, flying in from a 5-day vacation to visit family. So we were all pretty tired, but excited to finally be a fostering family. When our van pulled up to his, D recognized us right away, pointed at me and said, "mama!" He was climbing all over the chairs/table in the restaurant we went to for dinner, but we were too tired to practice our regular discipline. So the next few days we were trying to be consistent, loving, and observant. We see that he loves marshmallows, cantaloupe, but will generally ask for everything anyone is having but only take a bite of it. He loves to run, jump/spin, crash around in the Cozy Coupe, and is really afraid of play-doh! He tried ice-skating with us today and was very much a 2-year old, asking for help one second, them screaming at me the next to 'stop it- I do it!" This would be easier to manage if my other three kids weren't having their own meltdowns because they weren't as good skaters as their friends, hit their elbow in the same place 3 times, wanted space on my lap while resting.... I remember these feelings from when we brought our third daughter home from the hospital. The older two caused a lot of commotion and more work trying to "help"with the baby, but we truly believe that involving them in the newest family member's care has produced closer relationships, rewarded their desires for serving others, and has helped them become genuinely helpful as they got older. So I will keep trying to persevere in love, and remember to see their hearts instead of the present inconvenience, like when I yelled at my oldest today when she kept reaching to pick him up after I had laid him down for a nap. I plan to start one of the habits someone told me about when I was overwhelmed with two kids under 2, and go into their room when they're asleep, looking like angels :) and pray over them, remember how Jesus treated the little children that came to Him despite the many other responsibilities he had. I know it was one of the ways God helped me to see children as He does and I will feel His presence when I remember!
Logistics
We were planning on picking D up from a visit with his mom and siblings, but I misread the time on the text, and we got got a call that he was already headed back home and we wouldn't be able to meet up with his that night. I was really upset, not only because I wanted to have the chance for one more visit before his transition, but also because it made me doubt my abilities to keep everything straight despite multiple means of communication and note-taking. It took a while, but I think I have convinced myself that I am thankful for the reminder that I in fact CANNOT do it all- that I will mess up a time here or there, or forget something I was supposed to remember/bring. And these character flaws will be great teaching opportunities for all of the children in our home, and a reminder of God's grace for me and need for Him!
Friday, April 14, 2017
All about D
He's here :) Just for a night, until next week when he stays for the foreseeable future. I want to remember these early times, especially if he ends up staying with us for a while. Having a 2 year old was busier than my parenting role has been over the last few years, but the older kids were so eager to help, and Ellie was especially disappointed if her affection was not returned. His favorite things so far- driving the cozy coupe inside or out, at an extremely fast pace! Ice cubes and marshmallows were also a hit. He calls us Mama and Daddy, and Matt was a hit with his underdogs on the swing and book reading. The word 'no' didn't seem to register, and he only had a few intelligible words, so I am hoping he makes a lot of progress in that area. All of the kids tried to sleep in the same room, but the girl's got tired of telling D to go back to bed, so they moved back into their room and everyone was asleep. Within 10 minutes. We were told he runs away in crowds, so we are hoping to be on top of things when we attend some events with him tomorrow. Lots of smiles and laughs so far
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Ready or Not!
I had that, "I'm so thankful it's Thursday" moment again this morning, because we are scheduled to have an overnight visit with a 2.5 year old boy tomorrow that will be coming to stay with us when we return from a weekend in New Jersey. On the one hand, it was a good feeling that it seems like our lives have become so flexible and ok with the unpredictable, that the thought of another child entering our home and joining us in some family fun doesn't seem like a big shock. On the other hand, I would rather know that I put more thought and prayer into this change, than not enough, and continue to seek wisdom that only God can give, because I'm sure we are in for many more surprises. We all went to the craft store yesterday and bought a wooded "D" to add to Liam's name letter wall, so it now says L & D. Liam was very proud to paint it the same color as his, and make his room a welcoming environment. We asked his current foster mom what his favorite food and hobbies are, and we will need to re-install one of our toddler car seats, but other than that, we think we are ready...or not.
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