Here, There, and Everywhere

It's has been over two weeks now since our family has officially had five children, but there have been very few days that all 7 of us have been together. I was very thankful for my parents for keeping Ellie, Liam, and Annie for the first week with D- to just figure out school drop-offs and pick-ups, go to court, fill out paperwork, have visits from 3 different case workers, etc. Ellie is still on a 10-day adventure with them down south, and I know being spoiled and filled with memories :) There have been a couple of times in the last couple of weeks that my noise limit was being stretched, and I'm still trying to find the balance of supporting the Ninja Warrior training (indoors) and enjoyment of music, with my sanity. We are still thinking and planning for how to get all 7 of us around our kitchen table if J stays with us longer.

Speaking of J, he has had 2 weeks in a row now of good visits with his mom and sisters, the aids at the visits say that her home is clean, she has lots of furnishings for them and had good food this last time. I haven't asked recently what the status is on the new petition to terminate rights, but it is sad to think of them all being separated when things are going well, and frustrating that these cycles have gone on for 4 years.

D seems very comfortable and mostly loves his new siblings :) He is still very quick to get angry, especially when someone else opens the door instead of him. He is getting into a routine but still needs to practice doing things for himself like dressing and cleaning up. The biggest challenge is his slow response time/refusal to comply with requests, which I know we went through with other kids, but the others seemed to be motivated thinking that they would be left behind or watching examples of the older ones, and D is just happy wandering away/being left on his own, and asking any other human he sees for what he wants, so we need to keep looking for motivators and being diligent at keeping track of him when we're out.

Prayer Requests:
- That D's quick temper doesn't rub off on us but that our patience and grace would rub off on him!
- For J's emotions- having good visits with his mom and sisters, while there is still uncertainty about his goal, wisdom for us in what to say/when about D's adoption to be sensitive to J.
- More kids= more noise and opportunities for arguments- prayer for us parents to be calm, loving, and help them solve the problem/work through the situation in a positive way.
- Patience as we wait for the next step of getting "pre-adoptive" status for D.
- Praise- having a high schooler help the kids with their toy/clutter cleanup in the basement was a great success the first week- I didn't get frustrated, had some quiet time upstairs to work, the kids did the work
- Praise- for the many friends that gave us a bed, pillow, meals/gift cards, cookies, babysitting, etc. Our whole family feels like we are not doing this work alone, and have even more opportunities to see God at work and give Him thanks and praise because of all of you!

Court is frustrating

You know when people invent new products, they usually say how they were doing something and thought, "there has to be a better way..." I think this every half hour at court- many cases are assigned for either 8:30am, or 1:30pm. So the courtroom is usually full of people, the judge comes out around 9:30, starts with one case, then moves on to the next and so on. So we end up hearing a lot of things going on with other people, having to wait for long periods of time, and everyone asking the same questions/making the same statements as three minutes before, or three months before. In general I try not to complain about something unless I have a solution, or really know enough on all sides to feel invested, but I mostly see a waste of the agency worker's time, and people who have to take off of work and such to be at the court house for 4 hours or more. On the one hand, I want to learn more, on the other hand, I'm just hoping we will not have to deal with being in court too many more times :)

Goal Change for J

The day before signing the intent to adopt D, I went to a case review for our now 7-year old foster son, J. His mom was present and we had a nice conversation in the hallway about all of the things that she had at home, ready for him and his sisters (though she probably will not be able to keep them). It was good to see her excitement, but then she had some conversation with a counseling agency, became upset and left the building. Since she was not present to give her side of the case, the judge looked at the agency's statements about missing visits for 9 weeks in a row without reason, and changed J's goal back to adoption. I still maintain that only God knows what the best outcome for these kids is, and trust that He can work in J's mom's life and all of the kid's lives whether they are together or apart. I fluctuate between between frustrated by the length of time his mom has had to make things right to be able to bring them home, and understanding all of the barriers she has to overcome and desiring for her to made whole and the family whole too. Nothing will look any different for now- still having visits scheduled weekly and the agency could extend visits if they are going well, but the agency is also filing another petition for termination of rights since she only started showing an interest in copying 2 weeks before court. Taking one step at a time, trying to empathize with and encourage J along the way.

Signing the Intent

So we officially signed the intent to adopt D yesterday. It was a surreal moment, and Matt and I talked afterwards that we probably should have prayed again before signing, but it also seems dangerous to think too much and let our own worries creep in when for about 10 years we have been praying about adoption, talking about it with many people, learning about it and other's experiences, growing in our ability to love kids that we did not give life to, etc. So the form is off to our agency, and though there will still be many hoops to jump through and about 9 months of paperwork and approval, it was a big step!