The Start of a New School Year

Hi friends and family,

For those who didn't know, I am continuing to fast and pray on Thursdays, specifically focused on the fostering/adopting process- something I started even before we were licensed to help remember God's work in the process in addition to all of the paperwork, and now the everyday parenting. It is a practice that has absolutely helped me remember our calling, increased my love, patience (noise tolerance :), and helped me to become aware of more people and problems in the world than I would have otherwise encountered in everyday life. So I invite you to pray along with me on Thursdays and send me anything I should read, pray about, or consider regarding fostering or adopting that I will make time for on Thursdays.

Today, God brought to mind (probably also because of back to school photos on Facebook) that I hadn't sent any pictures to you all in a while. It was very awkward at first, trying to take pictures of the kid's backs, or crop Josh and D out of photos and then felt bad when they wanted to see the photos, etc. I enjoy sharing what's going on in our lives and our kid's lives, so the rules about not posting kid's pics on social media were hard for me. If you received random photos texted from me, that's why :) It will be a great joy for me to finally post pictures of all of my children on social media- more symbolically than anything. In addition to some summer activities, you will also see pictures of Josh and D's siblings at recent visits- please continue to pray for them as part of our extended family too! I'm praying that wherever these siblings end up, that I will be able to communicate well with their parents- even if it is FaceTime, Facebook, etc. because meeting up with them has been difficult this summer. 

Lastly, please pray for the start to our school year. Like everyone else, we will have new routines- especially difficult for us is figuring out how to get Josh to and from school with the right amount of sacrifice from the other kids, getting Josh to do homework in the evening when the other kids do not have any. I also need to add a little bit more work in for Annie this year, and start pre-school work with D (Ellie has asked to be his teacher :) but I want to make time to work with him also. I'm praying that he will also be able to play while I work with the others without me worrying that he is downstairs painting the treadmill (that happened), or running out the front door (hasn't happened in a while...). 

I'm taking time to thank God for you today too, especially those that have met up with us for some fun this summer- the presence of others is the biggest encouragement to us!

With gratitude,

Courtney and family

Signing the official intent to adopt

I continually forget when we signed this, and as it is a pretty big step towards adoption, I hunted down my Facebook post and should now have another form of record-keeping!

We signed this form yesterday 🙃Still many months to go and a lot more hoops to jump through, but it was a big, surreal step!

One Busy Week

Hi friends and family,

Here are a few updates from this past (busy) week:

1- No news on D- still waiting to hear back from the state about officially being approved. 

     Prayer Request- We think he either has a really active imagination, is still really confused, seeking attention, not sure....but one thing to pray for for him is that we don't know how to respond when many many times a day he makes statements that are very obviously not true (My grandma got me this outfit (when he was with me the day before buying it), or "My had pizza for lunch too" (when Josh got back rom a pizza party with his sisters)....Some of these obviously are more harmless than others, and we want to stress how important honesty is, but also want to be sympathetic if he is just not remembering something or is trying to continue to make sense of her life.

2-Joshua: 

Court: Last Thursday, we arrived to court ready to start going through the list of "best interest witnesses" (of which, I was supposed to go second), and after the foster worker's first 10 minutes, Josh's mom's attorney asked for a recess, during which she told the judge that his mom was ready to sign away her rights. This was a pretty big change of heart from her last court appearances where she was pretty angry and dug her heels in, and it meant that this trial day and any future trial dates do not have to take place. She and I had multiple positive interactions, during which I assured her that if Josh were to stay with us, she would continue to be spoken of, prayed for, loved for giving him life, and that if she is a healthy person to be around, we are open to as much interaction as we feel is beneficial. We hugged a couple of times and I thanked her for making this hard decision so her kids could have some stability and hopefully she can also have a fresh start. 

Telling Joshua: We waited until our Japanese exchange student left for home Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon talked with our 3 biological children about what happened at court (Judge and mom mutually decided that it would be best for Josh and his sisters not to go back home and live with her). We asked if they would like for us to sign the intent to adopt Joshua too, now that we had the option. They were all very excited and said yes. We then had the same talk with Josh. He gave a thumbs down when we asked how he felt about not being able to live with his mom again, then when we asked if he wanted us to sign the intent to adopt him, he gave a big smile, thumbs up, and hugged us. Then he ran upstairs and cried, "I want my mom" for about 3 minutes.  We told him that it's ok to feel sad about losing that chance to return to his mom, and happy to stay with us at the same time, and that he could say or ask anything he wanted. 

Good-bye visit: Tuesday, Josh and his sisters met with his mom at a park to say good-bye at least until their adoptions are finalized. His mom invited many relatives, and I was told that he and his sisters were very distraught saying good-bye to all of them as the adults were so upset. 

School: After going through almost the entire admissions process for K12 online school so Joshua could be home with the rest of the kids, we just found out today that he is not eligible- DHS said the child had to be over 16 or have some specific needs to do on-line schooling. I am pretty disappointed, but know he will still have a good year.

Next Steps: Next Wednesday I am taking Josh to a pool party with his sisters at their CASA's house (Court Appointed Special Advocate). She has worked with all of the children for 4 years, and is seriously considering adopting Josh's sisters. She thinks it would be best not to move Josh, but we'll talk more in person next week. I know either way, we would have a great relationship going forward. The following day is Josh's youngest sisters official adoption day, and I asked Josh if he would like to go, see what it's like and support his sister (plus, I'm curious). He said it would be weird, but still praying about whether or not to take him. 

Prayer for Josh: 

- Continuing to deal with the loss of returning home to his mom. 

- Potential adoptive families for his sisters 

- Wisdom for whether it would be best for Josh to stay with us or go with his sisters if it's an option from their future adoptive home.

- Not feeling left out, starting out another school year at school versus being at home with us.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support, I see every time I write these updates, how much has really been happening, despite most days just feeling like "normal" life :)

Courtney (and family)

Summer Days

Hi Family and Friends,

This time last week, Matt and I were with our high school youth group in Nashville, TN. While it was the most challenging trip I have taken as a leader, I was still so thankful for the opportunity to grow myself, grow closer to the students, and seeing their need for Jesus like never before assured me of why Matt and I continue volunteering. I was also thankful for the many people I knew were taking great care of our children and dog to make it possible for us to continue in youth ministry :)

The week before, I didn't send out an update specifically because I was so frustrated that Josh had been denied the clearance to go to Ohio with my parents and the older kids. Even though I figured the families that had agreed to watch D would open their hearts and homes even more to Josh, I was sad for Josh that his mom had this degree of control of him, but was still not showing up for any visits, sad that he did not get to feel like one of the big kids and spend time with my family, and had to make a lot of last-minute adjustments to switch his belongings and schedule. So please continue to pray for Josh's mom and that I would not lose hope and love for her as a person, even as I prepare for my testimony at the new termination trial in 2 weeks- August 3rd. It seems daunting to look at his mom and firmly but lovingly say I think Josh deserves a family that is willing to show up and commit to taking care of him, and she hasn't done that over the last 4 years. I have also been experiencing new frustrations related to Josh's care that I am trying to understand and maybe help others avoid the same things or work to change some: like I posted on FB that it was very difficult to find a place to safely dispose of his extra medications (which many foster children are on and are regularly abused)- I had to walk into a very ominous box in the Sherriff's office, which I probably wouldn't do if I had any fears of police hanging over my head. Second, I have spent about 8 hours in the last 2 months completing phone assessments and in-person assessments for both of the boys, some of which I had to find child care for, only to receive one really far-fetched diagnosis for D, and to be turned away from Community Mental Health, saying Josh was not impaired enough to receive counseling services. So please pray for me to know when or not to continue pursuing counseling for him and being willing to go through the process all over again at a new place and not have the bad attitude that has stayed with me all day today because of that final early-morning appointment. 

On D's end, we are just still waiting to hear back from the Michigan Children's Institute in Lansing. If they agree with the recommendation of our adoption agency and grant us custody, we have to wait 8 weeks for family to appeal, then we can schedule an official date with the judge to finalize his adoption. Our adoption worker talked with D's grandma at the last court hearing that I could not attend because of being in Nashville, and she was very happy that all of the kids had good placements and seemed like she would not contest, as she had seemed ready to do. 

Thank you for your prayers and support- we feel it!

Courtney (and family)

Lots of missed visits and writing a book :)

This was the second week in a row that we have picked up J from school early, driven down to Saginaw, only to get a text that his mom had called or texted saying she wouldn't be back at home in time for the visit, despite confirming earlier in the day. This was also the second time in a row (and ever) that he cried when it didn't happen. On many other cancellation occasions, he just looked stone-faced and jumped into playing something else. I am conscious of what I say in the moment, only giving details that I am sure of, trying to be positive, yet also not excuse his mother's lack of consideration for him and his sisters.

The more I think about having these boys in our lives for a longer time frame, the more I want to have good answers for them about how they came to be part of our family, how we see them, and most importantly how God sees them. So I want to try and write a children's book (since I want to explain it to our won children at first) from the ideas and beliefs that God has brought to mind, directly from his Word, and our experiences. I'm hoping to use these Thursday afternoons to also start organizing that. If this book turns out, it will truly be God's will because I am not a skilled writer, and I even have a hard time putting ideas into words. But I feel like it is a worthy and helpful pursuit- we'll see what happens!

Here, There, and Everywhere

It's has been over two weeks now since our family has officially had five children, but there have been very few days that all 7 of us have been together. I was very thankful for my parents for keeping Ellie, Liam, and Annie for the first week with D- to just figure out school drop-offs and pick-ups, go to court, fill out paperwork, have visits from 3 different case workers, etc. Ellie is still on a 10-day adventure with them down south, and I know being spoiled and filled with memories :) There have been a couple of times in the last couple of weeks that my noise limit was being stretched, and I'm still trying to find the balance of supporting the Ninja Warrior training (indoors) and enjoyment of music, with my sanity. We are still thinking and planning for how to get all 7 of us around our kitchen table if J stays with us longer.

Speaking of J, he has had 2 weeks in a row now of good visits with his mom and sisters, the aids at the visits say that her home is clean, she has lots of furnishings for them and had good food this last time. I haven't asked recently what the status is on the new petition to terminate rights, but it is sad to think of them all being separated when things are going well, and frustrating that these cycles have gone on for 4 years.

D seems very comfortable and mostly loves his new siblings :) He is still very quick to get angry, especially when someone else opens the door instead of him. He is getting into a routine but still needs to practice doing things for himself like dressing and cleaning up. The biggest challenge is his slow response time/refusal to comply with requests, which I know we went through with other kids, but the others seemed to be motivated thinking that they would be left behind or watching examples of the older ones, and D is just happy wandering away/being left on his own, and asking any other human he sees for what he wants, so we need to keep looking for motivators and being diligent at keeping track of him when we're out.

Prayer Requests:
- That D's quick temper doesn't rub off on us but that our patience and grace would rub off on him!
- For J's emotions- having good visits with his mom and sisters, while there is still uncertainty about his goal, wisdom for us in what to say/when about D's adoption to be sensitive to J.
- More kids= more noise and opportunities for arguments- prayer for us parents to be calm, loving, and help them solve the problem/work through the situation in a positive way.
- Patience as we wait for the next step of getting "pre-adoptive" status for D.
- Praise- having a high schooler help the kids with their toy/clutter cleanup in the basement was a great success the first week- I didn't get frustrated, had some quiet time upstairs to work, the kids did the work
- Praise- for the many friends that gave us a bed, pillow, meals/gift cards, cookies, babysitting, etc. Our whole family feels like we are not doing this work alone, and have even more opportunities to see God at work and give Him thanks and praise because of all of you!

Court is frustrating

You know when people invent new products, they usually say how they were doing something and thought, "there has to be a better way..." I think this every half hour at court- many cases are assigned for either 8:30am, or 1:30pm. So the courtroom is usually full of people, the judge comes out around 9:30, starts with one case, then moves on to the next and so on. So we end up hearing a lot of things going on with other people, having to wait for long periods of time, and everyone asking the same questions/making the same statements as three minutes before, or three months before. In general I try not to complain about something unless I have a solution, or really know enough on all sides to feel invested, but I mostly see a waste of the agency worker's time, and people who have to take off of work and such to be at the court house for 4 hours or more. On the one hand, I want to learn more, on the other hand, I'm just hoping we will not have to deal with being in court too many more times :)