Thank you to Beth Swenson for giving us this book- I can see why it touches her heart as the author shares her passion for caring for girls who have been victims of sexual abuse.

"Another Place at the Table" by Kathy Harrison

Introduction: "I'm not sure when 'can we' changed to 'how can we' and then to 'how can we not'"
What a girl like this needed, I had. She needed some uninterrupted time with a grown-up who cared about who she was, one who could guess what it felt like to be her. She needed a bath and clean sheets and she needed to feel safe for a bit. I could do that. We could all move over a little and squeeze her in."

We have learned that perfection is all about perception.

I am slower to panic, but quicker to anger.

I'm less intimidated by people in positions of authority.

I am more aware of my limitations and better at respecting them.

We have learned that, in spite of our best intentions, we can't save everybody.

Each child has a tragic history, and each has the same potential for violence or redemption.

36- At the time, I was still learning an important lesson for foster parents. There are lots of ways to take care of children, and they aren't all going to be the way I would do it. That doesn't necessarily make my way right and someone else's wrong. Knowing t what I know now makes me a lot less critical about overdue diaper changes or hours spent in the confines of a playpen. Diapers are expensive, and sometimes a playpen is the only safe place in an apartment.

52- To foster meant learning to be satisfied with giving Band-Aids to children and families who need intense care.

70- SO much of a kid's behavior can be the result of environment. I like to let a couple of weeks go by before I start reaching any conclusions.

82- I usually meet children on the worst day of their short, hard lives.

110- When i let my bad feelings about a kid show, the other kids quickly followed suit. Kids who have issues with their own self-esteem, and all of mine did, love nothing better than to have someone they can feel superior to.

126- One we have foster children, we had priorities for them too. The best therapy is often normalizing a child. Hitting her first home run did more to bolster self-esteem than any amount of talking. Dancing lessons and soccer camp matter to kids, but the state doesn't pay for these things. Foster children feel perpetually different. I spend more than I receive in the quarterly clothing allotment on each child, but I feel the payoff is worth it; kids who feel better about themselves do better.

139- How was I supposed to give enough to each of these kids to let them grow up with he sense of family they needed to be healthy without losing them too much to let them go in the end?

205- She needed a mom more than she needed another teacher or therapist just then

Conversation after:
This is how long your life has been so far, but look how much longer you hopefully have

behind it all, kids are kids

These birth parents were six years old themselves once upon a time, and nobody helped them. If someone had, none of this would be happening now. I can have long conversations in my head in which I tell a birth parent what to do. But judgement doesn't help. What I see in the birth parents is an enormous amount of pain and anger and fear.

Children use behaviors to express their feelings, so we don't take things personally